This is why I don’t follow Football!

Posted by kimmomagician on May 26, 2012
Posted in: chit chat, News. Tagged: , , . Leave a comment

Sheffield United just lost 7-8 to Huddersfield on Penalties. This must be the first and only football match I have ever taken an interest in and that’s because I had the promise of a really nice gig if they won.

Apparently if they won, they would be ‘going up’. Where they would be going up to is a mystery to me, but it is all incredibly important to a large number of people. Quite why, I have no idea.

I was told that should they win, I would be entertaining at a huge celebration for the players and their families – it sounded like an amazing gig, so I followed the game with interest. Apparently after 90 of the most boring minutes ever with no goals, they decided to run around for another 30 minutes and then gave up and had a quick fire round where they competed to see how many times they could kick the ball past the men in the goals. All riveting stuff, followed by crushing disappointment – which for once, I was a part of.

Why do people bother?

 

 

Hot, hot, hot! and Hollie’s Party

Posted by kimmomagician on May 26, 2012
Posted in: chit chat, For Magicians, Gigs, Magic, News. Tagged: , , , , , , . 2 Comments

Wow, the weather has been amazingly hot lately! I finish each show looking like Meatloaf in concert back in the 70s. I’m going to have to carry a couple of changes of clothes with me if this carries on. I had a friend who used to say he took extra shirts with him, packed in ice. I’m not sure if this was really true, but it sure sounds like a nice idea on days like this.

Hollie's party

The kids meet Jambo Bananas.

My wonderful wife to be Tamar, a.k.a. Barmy Bella, Children’s Entertainer has changed my life in many, many ways – perhaps the most surprising of all though is that I have lately started doing full two hour children’s party packages. The latest of these was today, for a charming little girl called Hollie. I managed to snap a couple of pictures during the show, although most of the boys seemed very camera shy for some reason. The boys were very shy throughout the party actually – it took a great deal of encouragement to get any to come out for my ‘Princess in a Pickle’ bit and I ended up using a little girl called Tia as my contestant for ‘Watch the Water’, which is a role I always give to a boy.

They were a really fun crowd though.

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Dalton and Listerdale Junior and Infants School

Posted by kimmomagician on May 25, 2012
Posted in: Gigs, Magic. Tagged: , , , , , . Leave a comment

Just back from performing at a family night at Dalton and Listerdale School in Wickersley. Two 45 minute shows with an interval – great, great crowd. Silly Billy will be pleased to know that I performed his new ‘Princess in a Pickle’ headless silk trick and the kids loved it!

Thanks everyone for a great night!

Jubilee Cancellation. Aaaaaaargh!

Posted by kimmomagician on May 25, 2012
Posted in: chit chat, Gigs, Magic, News. Leave a comment

Don’t you just hate it when you’ve turned down enquiry after enquiry for a popular date and then your original show emails and cancels at the last minute? I’m sure they have a legitimate reason, but it’s still a bit of a disappointment.

At least they’d paid a deposit.

So if anyone is looking for an entertainer for June 2nd in the late afternoon / early evening , I have an opening!

Take care folks!

 

No Henderson’s Relish? Ridiculous!

Posted by kimmomagician on May 24, 2012
Posted in: chit chat. Tagged: , , , , , , . Leave a comment

Hi everyone, what an incredibly sunny day we’ve had! I’ve lived the life of a troglodyte for the past week or so – sitting hunched over the iMac or Macbook, slaving away on Dreamweaver like a man possessed, so it was nice to set foot outside the door for a change!

I was rudely awoken at the crack of 11.30am by the dustbin lorry, coming to collect the recycling. This prompted the usual mad panic. You see, I have no idea what day the rubbish gets collected. Other people seem to know and leave their’s out, but I always have to go through this performance of running downstairs with my trousers half on, throwing a coat over my bare chest and then dragging the bin through the alleyway and round to the front of the house  with my shoes only half on before the bin men turn off the end of the road. It’s all a bit like some bizarre round of ‘It’s a Knockout’ and I swear that I can hear Stuart Hall laughing like a loon as I go through this wacky ritual every fortnight. Luckily I made it this week – good job as I missed it last time and the thing was overflowing.

Oops – got sidetracked!

So Tamar and I decided to head to the Peak District and have a pub lunch and a bit of a wander. Our first stop was ‘The Millstone’ in Hathersage, where I had my heart set on ordering their famous meat and potato pie.

The Millstone, Hathersage

The Millstone, Hathersage

It had been a long time and I wasn’t sure it would be as good as I remembered, but it was quite amazing.

The crushing disappointment was that the place no longer has Henderson’s Relish on the tables! sacrilege! For anyone not familiar with Hendersons, it’s a condiment made in Sheffield. It’s best described as being ‘almost but not quite totally unlike Worcester Sauce’, to paraphrase the late Douglas Adams.

Lack of Hendersons aside, the meal was great, then it was off for a gander at Little John’s Grave  – don’t ever say Kimmo doesn’t know how to show a girl a good time!

I thought it would be nice to have a trip to Castleton – they have some gorgeous countryside and a cave called ‘The Devil’s Arse’. Tamar likes pretty villages and I like rude words, so it was the perfect choice.

Ok – time for a cheese toastie with Henderson’s Relish! mmmmmmm

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Don’t Do This…

Posted by kimmomagician on May 23, 2012
Posted in: Fun stuff, Magic. Tagged: , , , . Leave a comment

Okay, so I’ve now re-named the blog. Don’t read this… just seemed appropriate.

I’m often asked about how the the ‘don’t do this…’ catchphrase  (for want of a better word) came about. I suppose it was inspired by comedian Richard Herring (is that just a nice way of saying I ripped it off? But hey, at least I’m giving him credit!) I went to see him in York and he was doing a comedy routine which involved an imaginary conversation with a woman who was imploring him not to turn their conversation into a comedy routine (still with me?) As he painted this incredibly complicated scenario the woman kept saying ‘Don’t do this as a routine… but if you do do this as a routine, don’t do this bit, where I’m telling you not to do this as a routine.’ (That’s it, I must have lost you all by now!)

I think I was literally crying with laughter as this imagined and largely improvised conversation got longer and more complex. When I saw people around me getting uncomfortable that he’d taken it too far, I just found it even more funny. It was something of a revelation.

A couple of weeks later I was doing a routine which involved a plastic tube and I told the kids ‘Use a toilet roll tube for this if you want, but unravel it all first’. I realised what I’d said and added, ‘Don’t do it in one go!’
Then I added ‘but if you do…’

Since then that little phrase has crept into the show in lots of different places. Funny how these things come about!

Don't do this.. Skateboard

Don’t do this…

Videos, Websites and Blogs, Oh My!

Posted by kimmomagician on May 23, 2012
Posted in: Fun stuff, Magic, News, Ventriloquism. 2 Comments

Well it’s time for another attempt at starting a blog. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep this up (past experience would suggest not), but I’m told it helps to get the creative juices flowing and it doesn’t hurt website SEO either!

It’s 1:07  in the morning and I’ve spent all day wrestling with our new websites and making a new promo video. My desk looks like a bomb’s hit it and I feel physically drained – this stuff is sooo much harder than standing on stage and making people laugh!

Anyway here are the website links:

Click here to visit mine   Click here to visit Tamar’s

As you can see, we now have matching his and hers websites. Aren’t we nauseatingly cute?

The video was cobbled together from footage taken at some of my higher profile gigs over the last year or so. It’s just a shame that the footage is a bit grainy, but it wasn’t taken on my camera!

Bed now!